I was thinking the other day if we had never grown up past adolescence would we have just been classified as a Homosexual rather than a BL ?

I mean whats the difference between a 12 year old Boylover whos attracted to his peers during his school life and a 12 year old Homosexual whos also attracted to his peers during that moment of their lives ?

At age 12 If I had announced to my family and the world freely that I was gay and attracted to my classmate there would not have been many consequences yet anouncing the exact same attraction now would cause me great problems. The double standards of it all seems unfair that one can be labelled as an outcast the moment they their 17th or 18th birthday!

I always actually thought I was gay throughout my childhood and youth, The first time I found myself attracted to a classmate I figured I was a homosexual. Throught out puberty and highschool I tried to come to terms with being gay but only to face even a greater burden as I realised my feelings had not changed after my 18th birthday.

I dont know about the rest of you but I have great difficulties acting mature and and still have a lot of the same mentality and an intrests in activities as I did during my youth such as skating, and playing video games all day and just having a fun time without paying attention to the boring adult world. I couldnt grow up if my life depended on it and I actualy literally feel like I am a kid trapped in an adults body in every sense, so maybe I have deeper pschological issues behind all this which Im not sure if it is the case with other BL's ?

So I guess im confused about myself... Am I a homosexual whos mentality failed to develop past his initial interests that I experienced during childhood or am I of a sexual orientation a result of a different phenomenon altogether ?

There have been times when I've thought how emberassing and shameful that we infact share the same common interests as school age girls who say something like " OMG his so cute, Ive gota huge crush on him and I want to ask him out" and you think to yourself "ye he is cute and how odd that I find the same qualities and features attractive as she does ".....

Almost every Heterosexual and Homosexual person in the world was attracted to a child or teen during a moment in their lives when they too were young....what is the phenomenen that allows a so called normal young person to find another young person attractive but then as they grow older that changes and also developes, just as the an elderly person who had crush on a child during his own childhood is then able to find a wrinkly old lady in her 90's attractive when he too become a senior citizen of a similar age...

It actually seems very extremely odd to me to think a human being can change their interest to that extreme extent, could this possibly me the biggest change of interest in a humans beings life, through out my life I have changed a few things but nothing that drastic, sure I eat a few vegetables now that I never ate when I was a kid but to think that it is possible for a heterosexual male to progress from being attracted to a female child to being attracted to an old sagging wrinkled grandmother simply due to changes in his own physical development seems somewhat crazy.

Can any of you envision such a drastic change in yourselves?

Is there a switch in our brains that determines this timelesness in us and does it influence or effect other aspects of our lives in any other way? for example...When I find a good item, flavour, trend, brand, I stick to it for longer periods than most of my friends and family, I hold onto prised possesions and childhood toys for many years, and I have a hard time letting go of issues that trouble me, I dont like change unless its for the better and if its even possible for me to change, but is this in any way related to my dormant sexual orientation and how uccustomed Ive become to being attracted to the same thing which is what makes me different in the first place?


That lack of progression in our attraction seems to be the major defining factor for our sexual orientation. But is it this a result of a difference in our brains?

Some scientists have suggested through research that there is evidence of "disturbance in the temporal lobe and decresed white matter in the frontal lobe" whilst other have claimed "pedophiles experience such deep-seated sexual anxieties that they cannot develop normal sexuality" and that sexual abuse victims can too become pedophiles themselves" and that "Pedophilia is thought to be caused by a combination of biological, genetic and environmental factors" and "Scientists also suspect the existence of genes provoking brain defects that render the individuals more prone to pedophilia and that early brain trauma could be factor". Researches found higher rates of pedophilia inside some "pedophile" families members than among the families of nonpedophiles.".......

Personally I dont understand how any of those claims are possible and they sound sound ridiciliously bogus, maybe because in my world my self discovery I assume was no different than another healthy 12 yr old homosexual or heterosexual males self discovery where it all started sitting in class daydreaming about a cute person they were attracted to, I never chose this, I never wanted it and I wish I could change it, so is it even possible for variations of BL's to exist other than the ones who were born into it as a sexual orientation ?