Unique, I understand where you're coming from because I also just plain stayed away from boys for a couple of decades. What changed me was, in part, being interrupted by a boy.

I met him and his other family members because our dogs played together very well. He and I both had the morning dog shift so we started seeing each other every day. I was surprised at first to be taken into his confidence as a friend, but he clearly wanted me to be one. Needless to say, I was always willing to listen to what he had to say. Pretty soon I was quite attached to having all my morning news introduced either with "wanna know what's cool?" or "wanna know what sucks?"

Eventually I invited the whole family over to dinner, and he showed up in his best suit and became my helper, chopping vegetables for me. He clearly saw himself as something of a co-host as well as privileged guest.

As for your questions about how someone can withstand the eye of other people, family members, boys' same-age friends and so on, the short answer is "And looking at them Jesus said to them, 'With people this is
impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" People even say "how's your young friend?" to me without batting an eye. I am not 'out' as a boylover though; I think that would cause a ruckus and a half.

It helps that what a person is doing is strictly kosher. Also it is all in the open; he comes into my place at times but people can see everything through the window. If anyone ever had a notion to check on us, they could just do it. There's nothing for the imagination to work on.