In my case, getting to know my YBs was a gradual thing. It's not like one day we just started hanging out together. In one case, it was the boy who mowed my lawn for me. In another, the boy was just a neighbor I said hi to when I saw him. As we got to know one another, I might offer them a soft drink or something. I also got to know the parent. Later I might ask his mother if I could take him to some sporting event or something. Reading back on what I just wrote, it occurs to me that anti-pedos would say I was grooming the boy, lol. But honestly, it was never a planned thing. Just casual friendship that grew deeper.

Both my YBs didn't have a father in their life, so the mother was grateful to have an adult male in their son's life who cared about him. Of course, they had to get to know you first and develop trust. They would never find out I was a BLer because there was no evidence of it except a few bookmarks of pedo sites on my computer, which I keep private.

Our friendship was never like a same age friendship. I was more of a big brother or mentor. They had other friends their own age both boys and girls, which I encouraged. But kids their own age can't drive them to ball games and wouldn't pay their way to get in. And boys often need and want an older male to give them advice or listen to the hassles they go thru. It can be a very rewarding experience for both if the adult has self control and keeps certain boundaries. One boundary I set for myself was that I didn't let the boy sleep over. I tried it a few times and felt the intimacy and closeness was too much for me. I felt tempted to do things I shouldn't when he was sleeping telling myself that he'd never know. So that told me I better put a stop to the sleepovers. Each person must be aware of their own limitations and weaknesses and set boundaries accordingly. If being around a boy at all might be too much a temptation, then it's best not to be around them. It's not a matter of strength. It's not that some BLers may have better self control than others. It's more about how strong the temptation is.

Dakota