My first few yfs I met before I found this great online community that includes cbf. It was after I knew them for a year or two that I found this place and these people and sometime after that when I really started to learn about who I am and everything that has to do with being the pedo I am. I have fallen in love with some boys after that period of self discovery but none that were really yfs, the ones I met before I knew for years and still talk to one every now and then.

My thoughts based off this is I wonder what the difference is when you have a yf before or after you become more self aware as a BL and I am interested in some other people's experiences. I have found that it is not better/worse or easier/harder but just different.

I think more about how other people are seeing me, what they think of me and him and our relationship. I think more about my actions when I am with him alone or in public. I am more conscious of my feelings. With greater knowledge of people who have gotten in legal trouble and awareness of crazy pedo related things in the news I am aware of the consequences for myself, the boy, and everyone else I know if anything happened.

As I said all this awareness has not made it better or worse but just different before it I was more often natural around boys without thinking as much about what I was doing and since I am a nice person that did not mean anything bad but I did not think about my actions as much. Using your brain and thinking more about what you are doing is good but in way you make different mistakes because you are always worried if you are doing the right thing or not.

So any thoughts or similar/different experiences?