Christian BoyLove Forum #65261

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Of love, fuck buddies and getting hurt

Posted by Eldad on 2012-04-20 19:52:41, Friday
In reply to I kind of want to get it over with posted by Youth?? on 2012-04-19 05:04:19, Thursday

You want a romantic relationship with him.

He doesn't want a romantic relationship with you.

So what's he getting at? May I suggest he's hinting at a sexualised relationship without the 'love' component that we usually aspire to? Becoming a 'fuck buddy' - as the modern phrase seems to be? For a single guy this can be an attractive option:

sex is fun
this is a way I can have sex
so let's do it.

(Been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. Don't think it's a good idea.)

When the traditional morality of Christianity began to unravel in the 60s, the first step was 'Why wait to have sex until we are married?'. This transforms into 'We love one another, so let's have sex'. Then it became increasingly acceptable to have sex early in a relationship, finally legitimating one night stands. IMNSHO the problem of course is that sex does more than 'satisfy my need' - it really does 'make love'. AFAICS, if we have casual sex, our ability to form long term loving relationships is damaged.

So where does this all fit for you? It seems that he's not interested in a long term 'partnership' with you. He seems to be offering sex. Are you happy with the idea that that's what you are going to get? Would it enhance your relationship, or mess it up? It's surely worth thinking both for now and in the long term - when presumably he will find a permanent female partner, and leave you bereaved. Is that a good place for you to be? And, in reality, is it really good for him to separate out sex and love? Or are you really hoping that he will 'settle down' with you?

So you have to decide what makes most sense for you and him in your present, AND FUTURE circumstances. What do you really believe about the impact that having a sexual relationship with someone has one either him or you? And what do you think God thinks of this way of relating (if you consider that relevant)? Obviously I subscribe to the conservative answers on these questions, you need to work out what you believe, and why... Then, and surely only then, you should work out what to do about this situation.

If life was easy, it would be boring. I'd find it fascinating to hear your answers and reasons - and offering them here would be a lot more challenging than just thinking about it. And hopefully you'll find us asking questions about your conclusions that are appropriate, and not just 'bible bashing', unless you want that of course!

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