Christian BoyLove Forum #66122
I have come to the realization that despite my good intentions, I am no match for the "normal" way of life. By normal I don't mean the nuclear family normal, but basically anything other than a BL orientation. I am convinced I am not one to be able to influence people in a positive manner, even if their alternative is violence/drugs/stealing etc. All I wanted was a YF who cared enough to heed my advice and allow me to become someone they really trusted. I have failed, at every attempt. It falls apart before I have a chance to mess it up with anything deviant (not as though that is my intention). I truly care about the special boy in my life, and everybody else seems to see that except he. One friend evens somewhat covertly accepts the possibility of a physically intimate relationship as long I am a positive influence. But alas, that offers little comfort when my YF is unwilling to see that I have his best interest at heart, and merely sees me as a toy/bank. My hope and faith is dashed to pieces, and though I have felt this way before, it feels as though I will not recover. Drastic life changes are at hand, hopefully none that offer dire consequences. I find that I am just as guilty of not changing as the people I hope to change. I expect that my good intentions will lead to positive outcomes, but I am merely performing the same acts over and over expecting different results. I might as well be in an abusive relationship expecting my partner to finally stop hitting me, but yet they always end up doing it regardless.