Christian BoyLove Forum #65567
First I'll clarify my age, I'm 27. By the very defintion of love, one only wants what's best for the object of their affection, and my situation is no different. I have zero intentions of doing anything illegal. I want to be there for him in every capacity possible, but I know I can't be. My concern is not so much what I am going to do with him, but what to do with myself. I care far too much for him to allow myself be the cause of his pain. The subject actually came out when I told him that I wouldn't be friends with him or his brother. He asked why and I told him how I felt (honesty is the best policy right?), and while he didn't like the idea, he didn't want me out of his life. I wanted distance since this feels like a hopeless situation. Without me in his life his parents, siblings, church members and others will be sure he is fine. I really have no place. I liken my situation to that of Eponine from "Les Miserables" the movie, not the book (they are very different stories). I continue to torture myself by spending time with him, which seems like a fair punishment for my "evil" thoughts. I've been driven to the brink (I'm sure you can guess the meaning), and just need some resolution. I don't want to hurt him, but it seems like there is no good solution. I can't even decide which is the best of a bad situation. Why did it have to be him? I feel like this is a punishment for something I have done.