Christian BoyLove Forum #65473
I don't know how much help I can be, but I'll give you my opinion. The fact that you are always expecting your friendship to go bad tells me you don't think you deserve such a friend. That's self esteem issues that will take a lot more than a post to fix.
You also show clear signs of being obsessed. That's another issue that takes far more than a few posts to fix. But I can empathize. I've been obsessed too. There's no magic cure, but I can tell you being obsessed over a boy will take most of the joy out of what could be a beautiful time in your life. You have to realize and accept that your YF is with you for a time and then moves on. But you'll always have the memories and, with luck, find a new YF that needs you. Remember. Obsession is like a poison, fowling everything it touches. But I have no idea how you personally can get rid of obsessions.