Christian BoyLove Forum #65476

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i did some internet 'research'

Posted by marc on 2012-10-02 03:14:05, Tuesday
In reply to Obsessions posted by Eldad on 2012-10-02 00:33:28, Tuesday

ok as far as i can tell the main differences are love is selfless and obsession is more like i need my fix? love is deep and obsession is shallow...?

i mean yah i think about him all the time and i love every second that i spend with him but he IS different from anyone i've ever met. for one thing i actually KNOW him and he knows me. every other time before i've always liked them for their looks but didnt really know anything about them. (yes Cat even him...we never had anything in common) hes also the only kid that appreciates me, in many ways that nobody (adult or child) has.

this is also the first time i've genuinely felt selfless towards someone. i dont try to control him or manipulate him. i want him to be happy and i do as much as i possibly can to make that happen. when i feel unhappy about something i will try to meet him halfway about it, but that's it. i never go past halfway because i always put him first. i am deeply against selfishness towards someone like him because i know true love is totally selfless.

do i have deep seated self esteem problems? yes! do i have crave his attention and love? of course! do i try to do things that jeopardises his well-being to make me feel better? never. would i feel like dying if i lost him? of course...anybody who loved someone would. or would you say a person who lost a child or a best friend shouldnt feel like death because they arent "obsessed".

i admit in the past i probably would fit a lot of the definitions of being obsessed. i am, however, a very selfaware person and i always try to improve myself in this area. i know i used to be selfish and controlling. i remember the first boy i "fell in love with" in high school...that ended horribly. i was totally obsessive. we had nothing in common. i called him all the time and was paranoid all the time about everything. it's gotten better incrementally since.

i always put my yf first. we spend most of our time together online so i dont even look at his beautiful face. i get more of his personality than his looks. i feel connected to his person than i have with anyone else in my life. when he's sad, im sad. when he's happy, im happy. what more do i need to do to prove that i love him? really! tell me if im missing something.

and yes i have other relationships with other boys, though most are unfulfilling because i have nothing in common with them and/or personality differences. my adult relationships are nonexistent, mostly cause they all turn out to be selfserving, immature, or narcissistic pricks.

i do have some emotional support from other adults although i dont consider them friends mainly because i havent done much for them in return and i dont feel like i deserve the title of friend)

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