This week we went on an amazing trip with our youth group. It was just an awesome, awesome time. I have gotten more bold in my faith. I finally feel like I can stand my ground and get my motivation through prayer and God's Word. Also this week, me and my best friend had some rocky moments and some disagreements which all came down to this: I was leeching his strength from him, he was 'spiritually babysitting' me.

Also before this trip, I had been sexually active with one of my friends, again, and the guilt was tearing me up inside.

I wanted to come back and tell this friend.. we can't do this anymore We WILL STOP. After talking to my youth pastor one on one, I told him about my past and about how all this really started when I was 11, and with another 13 year old boy. He said something to me I have never heard. He looked me in the eye and said.

"You... where abused."

I..was? No, I was. I just never thought about it. I told him about my friend and how we where sexually active.. and he went back to the Sermon on the Mount about cutting of the hand that harms, or gouging out the eye that fails you... distancing your self from the friend that makes you fall... makes you.. abuse... yourself.

I was pretty much about to let the tears pour at this moment.

I was confused. I had my best friend who told me strait up that he wanted to avoid me forever because I was leeching him. I also went to my youth pastor about how to go about change so that our friendship would work. This kid, my best friend, DID babysit me and kept me and himself accountable. I just love him, like seriously THANK YOU JESUS FOR MY BEST FRIEND!!

He told me the only way to fix my life, and my relationship with my best friend, is to drop the friend.. until I know I can manage myself. Which could take a year or more.. or not... who knows?

He told me to get help, to talk to someone, a psychlogist.. someone trained to do this. He admitted he wasn't one, but he said it was a classic case... one is abused... so the one doesn't trust many people.. so when one finds one who he trusts..... he leeches....

So I am getting help. Hopefully in a week or so, I need it. The hardest part is telling my friend we can't be around each other until I clear up this mess. But... Jesus is more important. My relationship with Christ is FAR more important.

Please pray.

-Youth-