Welcome to Our Premier Issue

What Is Boylove?

Shame, Fear, Love, and the Gospel
"It is wrong for me to exist."

When Two Worlds Collide
"The two worlds had never before met.  What would happen?  Would both come crashing down?"

Growing Together
"I have seen him grow from a shy, reclusive pre-adolecent, probably still full of pain, into a young man of great respect..."

We Need Each Other
"...it has quite a confusing and frustrating impact on us as Christians."

Burning Coals
"There are two great dangers in being persecuted."

On-line resources

My YF lost his father some years ago when he was eight; I met him only three short years afterwards. I was told by my YF's mother about three years of what must have been hell on earth for them. Her husband was the most thoughtful and generous father I had ever only heard about. All I can see of him are his pictures. Everytime I see them I feel something different: sometimes great sorrow that my YF no longer has a father, sometimes great joy knowing what a great father he was, sometimes anger because I thought he was taken from this Earth too early. Because I thought...

Well, let's see, at the time I met my YF I was only a year out of high school, full of anger, pride, selfishness. I knew God and had a strong relationship, so I thought, and was well on my way to becomming a famous musician.  Oooo, I knew God's plan for my life before he did, and now I met this boy whose father died. I didn't know how he felt about it; maybe he was sad and was repressing it, maybe he'd forgotten how to feel pain.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Needless to say, I had a bit of growing up too. Over the next years of his life, we did a lot together, just basically hanging out, sleep-overs, and all the things I never did in my youth because I was too depressed, angry, or busy to make time to be a kid. I kind of grew up with him; he inspired me to enter youth ministry and taught me the importance of why I chose education as a carrer field. Now he is a young man.

We have such a strong relationship now.  I have seen him grow from a shy, reclusive pre-adolecent, probably still full of pain, into a young man of great respect by his peers, church, and family. He is outgoing now, tests his waters in the dating world, and wants to be a teacher upon entering college. How I underestimated God's plan that this child would be sad growing up. How proud I am that with prayer and guidance, he remembers only happy times with his father and has taught me what true brotherhood was all about. I see in him such a strong spirit, keeping the faith with God, and Love on his side. How wrong I was to think of this young child as a helpless, depressed boy who might end up in the wrong crowd.

I try to no longer ask why God allows things to happen. My YF and I needed each other and he has been the greatest blessing in my life. I'd also like to say that we've never even shared the same bed. I didn't have to act on my boylove eros to show him God's love (agape), and for him to show me God's agape for me. Now I only cry tears of joy. He is my brother in faith, best friend on Earth, and a reminder that God's timing is perfect, his plan flawless, and our life filled with joys we can't even imagine, both happy and sad.

Oliver is a public school teacher and a freelance Christian musician, performer, and storyteller.