Christian BoyLove Forum #66905
There's a remarkable book: Ed Shaw 'Plausibility Problem' that addresses most of your questions head on. It's actually written by a gay man who is only attracted to other men, but he's got exactly the same issues as you. His conclusion is that if we are to be Christians faithful to what the bible teaches, we are stuck with being celibate. He points out the many steps away from the biblical perspective those who want to argue that God is happy with gay relationships; these include the assumption that 'if it makes you happy it must be right' and 'sex is where true intimacy is found'.
He also is challenging of the failure of the Evangelical church to reflect in its teachings the biblical encouragement of celibacy as a viable lifestyle, that frees the individual for service of god. Examples in the bible include Paul and, of course, Jesus.
He doesn't seek to suggest this makes for an easy life; Shaw describes his 'kitchen floor moments' when he collapses in a heap of tears as the pressure of loneliness gets to him. But he does challenge us that we are required to live as God commands, because we are otherwise denying that God is God. Of course it's not easy - as BLs we are stuck with an issue that makes our life a lot more problematic than for others. Yet Jesus' call is to deny ourselves and take up our cross; an easy life ISN'T what He promises. But one day if we are faithful and obedient, He will wipe away every tear; definitely something to look forward to.
An important element that Shaw points to is the need for intimate relationships. These are NOT sexual, but they are ones where you can love and be loved, helped and encouraged along the way. This is a challenge for BLs: unless we are out, there will always be a major hole in those relationships. However it is worth aspiring to and looking for with church and family as far as possible.
I don't know how far that's helpful or encouraging. But it certainly reflects where I am.