Christian BoyLove Forum #66814
I'm writing this post to come forward to the group of freshly-discovered pedophiles.
There are information (source below) stating, that 90% of responders in a virped.org poll have considered suicide. 20% tried to take their lives.
If you feel like pedophilia is making you unhappy, remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
When I first discovered that I was attracted to younger children, I was VERY distressed. I started learning about my attraction - bouncing from the wikipedia pedophilia site to various pro- and anti-pedophilia sites. My opinions on contact with kids changed rapidly; one day i thought it was OK in most circumstances, the other it was absolutely unacceptable under any whatsoever. I would also have sexual thoughts about children ALL THE TIME. Whenever I saw a kid, whenever i thought about children... I remember that time as the saddest one in my life.
However, not soon after realizing I was a pedo, I started asking God to rid me of my attraction. I devoted more time to Him than I used to - for reading the Bible and prayer. When I was focusing my mind on not sinning, for a while I didn't realize that the inappropriate thoughts were gone, and I was a much happier person.
This is why I would like to adress how God can also give meaning to your struggles and happiness to your life.
I've seen the testimonies of people who felt like their life was pointless - for example, a person attracted to boys and adult men couldn't have a relationship with a boy for legal reasons and couldn't find a lasting relationship with a guy. In the light of that, he felt like he would always be lonely and sad and scared. He wanted to take his life away.
This isn't how your life has to look like.
YOU ARE NEVER ALONE!
It's very easy to forget some basic truths about how God loves us. Here are some that I find hope-giving:
A. God chose you before the beginning of the world to be His.
"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight."
(Eph 1, 4)
Imagine the whole Universe. Multiple galaxies spinning around their own axis at incredible velocity, moving in relation to each other. Millions of solar systems. Billions of planets, thousands of stars. And of all this, the most important thing is YOU!
You are the one person whom God loves. Nothing else matters. He is God - if he's with you, who will be against you?
B. God CARES about you.
"6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."
(1 peter 5, 6-9)
Whenever you feel sad, remember that He loves you. Whatever happens to you, don't worry too much, just "cast all your anxiety on him".
You aren't alone in what you're going through. There is a God who wants to help you, people undergoing simmilar struggles, and people determined to help.
C. God knows about everything that happens to you:
1You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
7Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
(Ps 139, 1-16)
He, who has created you, God almighty, knows EVERYTHING about you. Your past, your future, your self. He loves you. He would never want you to feel bad about how you were created: he knit you together in your mother's womb; and his works are always wonderful. Whatever happens, He made sure you'll be OK for life.
And, even better:
D. God would never build a mountain you can't climb.
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."
(1 Cor 10, 13)
The first proof that He loves you: God loves us so much, that He will never abandon us (Deut 31, 8) in a situation with no exit. He will make SURE that you are strong, wise and trust Him enough to be able to find a way out of EVERY situation. God guarantees that. When you feel hopeless, remember: God has not forsaken you. There MUST BE a way out. Just keep looking, and don't give up. NEVER give up.
Speaking of ways out:
E. Turn to God
17 Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.18 Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.
(James 5, 17-18)
Imagine that: a man among the top 10 richest people in the world had a wife. The wife said: "Hey, please give me 4 thousand dollars for dinner with my friends".
Do you think the wife would be given the money? I would definitely think so.
So, since we are loved by God almighty, he should be able to give us some GREAT things. That's why prayer is so important: when we ask God to do something for us, He can do just about anything. He might not think it neccesary for you to have some unexpected luxury like an expensive dinner with your friends, but asking Him could help you get just that.
That's why it's so important to learn to ask God for stuff. The only thing not allowed is wishing for something bad to happen to another person.
When I first discovered myself as a pedophile, I would have sexual thoughts about children ALL THE TIME. Whenever I saw a kid, whenever i thought about children or even about seeing them...
With the Lord's grace, my attraction is now contained: I find myself attracted to same-aged women, the thoughts about child sex are very rare. He also transformed me from the sad and distressed person I was to the new, happy me.
I think that He, seeing my prayers and asking, had mercy on me and limited the attraction. If you feel bad about your sexual orientation, I urge you to try it out; it's an incredible experience to find out you're not all that pedo after all.
F. Tell others about your problems, because it helps:
"15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
(James 5, 17-18)
So, since we are loved by God almighty, He wants to help us. However, we need to know how to ask Him to. Here is the first advice on how to make prayer effective:
Tell others about your problems and ask them to pray for you.
Yes, this might mean revealing yourself to someone. However, this largely increases your chance of being shown mercy. It also helps you develop bonds with God and other people.
A good piece of advice would be to ask this of a priest during a confession in the Catholic Church; the information is pretty much guaranteed not to spread. You could also tell a friend of yours that you have a problem, without describing exactly what it is about.
G. And participate faith with others, to be have God himself visit you.
"19Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them."
(Matthew 18, 19-20)
The second advice: pray in groups of people, even if it's only a group of two.
You can find a church group that fits you - there are Bible studies in most churches, or maybe a choir if you find yourself talented. Another option is finding a prayer partner, and you will both be given the things you both ask for.
If you read the post all the way down here, thank you. You are not alone in this world; God is always by your side. I might not know you, but I would like to say that I care for you, but He cares about you most. Please, please don't ever give up.
God bless you,
PS. CBLF is a terrific thing. An open forum, where everyone can openly speak of their troubles and be offered advise and prayer. The more I read in the Bible about what Christian communities should look like, the more happy I am to be a part of this place.
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