Christian BoyLove Forum #66176
I had a yf that I had really really good friendship with. He was the best yf I hve ever had. Because of past experiences, I told him when we were together, knowing that our time may be limited, how very important he was to me. So he knew how I felt, without the romantic feelings. In return he also would say things like "I feel the same too". He comes from a homophobic background (father) so he is not the most emotionally expressive person.
I am under no illusion that he had romantic feelings for me. I do know that he liked me a lot and that I was important to him. He looked out for me and knew the right things to say and could sense when I was feeling down. He would accomodate me and we always put each other first over our selfish desires and egos. Because of this, he was/is the greatest truest friend I have ever had.
His parents didn't appreciate how close we were getting and told him to break it off. When he told me this, I could tell that he didn't agree with it but of course had no choice. I knew that at the time, he hadn't changed how he felt about me. We ended on very good terms. It was almost like one day your best friend just died and you can't even be mad because you still loved each other.
Because he was such a true friend and because I felt like we connected on a level I had never connected with anyone, I want to wait for him so that when he's an adult, I can contact him and hopefully reform our friendship.
What drives me crazy is, what if he has changed his views of me? What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore? I mean we were REALLY GOOD friends. Is it reasonable for me to experience this again with him? I honestly cannot imagine never seeing him again for the rest of eternity. He wasn't just any other person, he is special, different.
I mean people stay the same at their core and change a lot in some ways at the same time. And a lot of this happens during these teenage years. But I've had multiple kids that I had known when they were younger, who later talked to me again and they say how they felt like I was someone they looked up to or how they felt like we had a connection. Sometimes that was after 5 years of not talking or anything together.
I know I have a lot of personal growth to do but the reality is I don't bond well with people and to find someone I get along with so well, who actually really genuinely cared about me, who probably loved me, I just can't imagine losing that forever. I know it's selfish of me because I'm focusing so much on how he made me feel but I have done many things for him too and I genuinely want to be best friends with him for the rest of our lives. I want to be there when we are both old and nobody wants to talk to you or take care of you.
I still love him and I will wait for him. It will be about 5 years before he's an adult and I can safely contact him without getting either of us into too much trouble. I know I should move on and whatever but I have decided not to because someone like him is once in a lifetime and worth waiting for. If you truly loved someone and connected with someone in a way you never have, you would wait for them no? I recall reading stories about how people waited for decades because war split them apart.
Questions: How likely do you think it will be for him to still want to be friends in the future? For him to have positive thoughts about me? (He was around age 10-12 when I was with him.) Will he only come back to me if he's screwed up and needs someone in his life who can "Fix" him? Will he still care about me as he did when he was a boy?
Oh and he is above intelligence and very mature for his age but also naiive in other ways. We have very similar interests and similar personalities.
Thanks in advance!