Christian BoyLove Forum #65120

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Did we choose to be BLs? And do we do so now?

Posted by Julian on 2012-01-04 02:12:44, Wednesday

[What follows is a very controversial position, which I want to explore with a minimum of personal agenda. Therefore despite being a long term member of this forum, I feel it wiser to post anonymously. I hope this is acceptable]

Of course the simple answer to this is 'no' - none of us started out with the aim of being a BL; instead at age 8 / 10 / 12 (or whenever) when we realised we were attracted to other boys, and then that their age was significantly younger than ours, it slowly dawned on us what we were. But I suspect there were more moments of choice than we recognise: to choose the thought of the sight of that younger boy, to actively fantasise about a possible sexual relationship with him RATHER THAN ANOTHER. And so the propensity becomes a habit, and the habit starts to define us.

There is a lie, implied in the standard love story that we are so constantly exposed to in the various media, that we can only be truly happy with the one we 'love'; the problem being that in practice the initial 'zing' of being 'in love' almost always fades away within a relatively short time. For married people this is a temptation towards adultery - beautifully expressed in that ancient film 'Brief Encounter' where the choice is spelt out very blatantly: the early ardour has faded, and a new attraction comes along. For us it's more subtle - being a BL is usually a hidden part of our identity and most of us aren't out looking for a sexual relationship. But the same process can occur - of an innocent friendship growing in our minds to be something more sexual, with our fantasies driving us on.

So what's the answer? Of course there isn't an easy one or divorce wouldn't be so rampant in our society. I suspect it's about recognising our need - not for a boy (loud shouts of 'shame'?) but for good relationships: if we're married we need to work hard on that blessing; for us all for friends that we can hang out with; for activities that do feed us emotionally. And for some of us that may include boys - though we need to be cautious, and not make them the focus of our life.

Because ultimately if we are allowing anything to be more important in our lives than God, then that's a recipe for disaster. It's interesting to note that this was the error of Adam and Eve - they choose to believe the lie that what God was offering was second best, and that they'd be happier if they took the apple. If we are claiming to be Christians, then we need to start from the belief that God will provide what we need, though we may have to make an effort to search it out, and don't be afraid to ask God for it. (actually that's a good test of whether I am asking for right things: can I ask God for them? If not, they're probably not good for me...)

So - we need to choose to define ourselves as something other than a BL; not in the sense of pretending that we aren't - that truly is the way to fall apart - but by trying not to let that element of ourselves be the centre of our being. That's where Jesus should be. In the words of the somewhat cheesy chorus:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

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