Christian BoyLove Forum #65171
I'm not entirely sure how to respond to this. I can certainly understand where you are coming from, though there are several points I disagree with.
For one thing, I don't think we choose to be a BL anymore then someone chooses to be gay or strait. Ether you are or you are not. But that said, there is still a certain element of choice involved in all human sexuality. Our sexual orientation is only predisposition, but we then make choices based on that predisposition according to our own unique personalities and influenced by a myriad of environmental, social, cultural and religious factors. Your proposition however asserts that BL is essentially little more then an obsession, grown out of habit, originating from a simple choice in childhood to focus on and fantasize about younger boys rather then ones your own age. I must reject that assertion. While at some point a young, maturing BL'er may consciously choose to focus his attention on younger boys, that does not imply that the choice is independent of an underlying biological attraction to boys over men that is starting to assert itself with the onset of puberty. This was certainly my experience. Prior to puberty, I was actually more attracted to older (and even much older teenage) boys; but once I hit puberty my attraction did a complete 180°. It seemed like almost overnight I went from being attracted to older boys to only liking younger boys. The older I got, the wider the age gap became. Sure I choose to act on my new found attraction to younger boys by focusing my attention (and fantasies) on them, but it was most definitely the inherent biological predisposition that came first.
I also I take exception with a couple of the points in this paragraph...
So what's the answer? Of course there isn't an easy one or divorce wouldn't be so rampant in our society. I suspect it's about recognizing our need - not for a boy (loud shouts of 'shame'?) but for good relationships: if we're married we need to work hard on that blessing; for us all for friends that we can hang out with; for activities that do feed us emotionally. And for some of us that may include boys - though we need to be cautious, and not make them the focus of our life.
First, I understand that there are some BL'ers, for whom BL is almost a secondary attraction, and that they are also attracted to either adult women or men and can therefore have normal adult relationships apart from their attraction to boys. But for many of us BL'ers, we have NO other attraction apart from our attraction to boys. I myself, for instance, am not attracted physically, romantically or sexually to adults whatsoever. I don't have the "blessing" of being able to fall in love with another adult and to get married, nor the ability to relegate my attraction to boys to a mere side interest. My only option is celibacy, and a life utterly devoid of basic human emotional/physical/sexual intimacy, because my sexual orientation happens to fall outside of what society, the law and the church considers acceptable--and I'm sorry, but that REALLY sucks!
Second, is this notion that friends and activities can fill the same emotional void as a much deeper, intimate relationship. Again, I'm sorry, but that is total crap. I'm not saying that close friendships aren't important, rather only that those friendships fill a totally different role in one's life then a spouse, for instance. If that were not the case then there would be no need for marriage. I mean no offence to you personally, but get so frustrated when people who try to tell me I should just be content with merely being friends with boys. It's not that I mind being their friend, but deep down I want so much more. In fact it is almost painful for me to be around boys sometime because of the hunger that I feel that I can never satisfy. It is like putting a starving man in a room full of food, then telling him he will be immediately arrested if he so much as tries to touch, let alone eat, any of it.