Christian BoyLove Forum #64527
I have been a lurker on this board for the past 2 years, I ocassionally drop in and read discussions and post under anonymous random names whenever a topic strikes my attention.
This topic here is about new found feelings I've had towards my friends younger brothers and as a result its left me confused because I am a celibate boylover who has no past experience with boys so therefore my own emotions are still a mystery to me as I have never had the opportunity to explore them and the latest feelings I have have been a venture in self discovery.
Past 2 days I have suddenly had two extremely cute boys appear in my life and being around them has been a new experience for me and made me feel things I've never felt before. It all started when my friend I hadn't seen in a few years after he had moved away came back to visit the town to see relatives...My friend is a part of 5 brothers all different ages ranging from 11, 12, 16, 19, 22.
At the time he left town I didn't think much of the two youngest as they were younger then my age of attraction and the ones who is 16 now I did not at all find attractive.
He gave me a call when he was in town so I went to visit him and got greeted at the door by one of the most stunning 11 and 12 years old boys I have ever seen, marvelous blue eyes, blond hair, slim athletic figures and an extremely cute faces to die for, their beauty hit me hard and made it difficult for me to interact with my friend in a focused manner.
I seem to get along really well with the younger boys and we played xbox together, it was very difficult to keep my gazes to a minimum without making anything obvious to my friend. I then invited my friend over to my house for dinner the next day and to my surprise the two cutest brothers also wanted to come over.
At my house they sat next to me on the couch one of them making physical contact with me whilst sitting beside me, I could feel his warmth and felt all fuzzy and breathless inside, I wanted that moment to last forever. Every time they smiled, laughed or our eyes met I got an amazing warm and fuzzy feeling inside. When they left all I could think about was them and being in their presence left me with an afterglow and an appreciation for life which I had not felt in a while. I simply could not get enough of being around them, I just wanted them there forever and ever. I fell asleep thinking about them and woke up still thinking of them but oddly enough none of my thoughts were of a sexual nature.
The only experiences I've ever had as a boylover has been crossing paths momentarily with a cute boy whilst walking in a public place, those moment I have felt love, admiration and lust for the boys I have seen but with my friends brothers it felt different...especially with the younger one whos 11 and looks more like 10 with his tiny slim figure I felt something different I have never felt before..It felt something like what I feel towards a cute puppy dog but mixed with a hint of lust, every time I looked at him all I wanted to do was run my fingers through his hair patting his head , cuddle him, tickle him, rub his belly and kiss him on the cheeks. Usually with young teenage boys I see passing by I feel a strong sexual element but with the 11 year old I met I found myself daydreaming about him but without any sexual thoughts...all my feeling and emotions were of a different nature, I just wanted to feel his warmth and cuddle up next to him but I have not had one perverted or explicit thought about him, is this because he is a bit younger then the boys I prefer? Or is this how it is when we get closer to a boy more than just seeing one pass you by on the street?
I began to imagine an ideal scenario where I could be with such a boy and I thought what if he was my son but that thought seem to repulse me as I did not want to be feeling the way I did towards a blood relative or son, so then I though what if he was just a friend but realized that would not be satisfactory either... and the ideal situation for me felt like having him adopted and just living with me like a pet to brighten my life..When I say a pet I don't mean any disrespect but when I think about him I automatically feel like I need him as i would need a pet..someone one to hang around in my room, cuddle up with me while I'm watching tv or movies, someone to entertain me and brighten my life and when I think about interacting with him it also the same feeling I get when I see a cute puppy dog, I want to play with him, nurture him, feed him , bath him, rub his head, his stomach, make him happy, get his tail wagging oops I mean make him laugh and giggle. But there is also no denying a hint of sexual element mixed in with all of that but just slightly. So now I am confused about myself, am I an odd boylover for feeling this way ?
I'm still learning about myself and these recent emotions are very new to me so can anyone clarify what this is? Thanks.