Christian BoyLove Forum #63904

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Coping with the pain and hurt.

Posted by Billy207 on 2010-11-14 22:54:32, Sunday
In reply to My YF Hurt Me So Bad posted by Rejected on 2010-11-14 17:06:17, Sunday

Rejected, I have alot to say on this subject which makes it very hard for me to stay focused here so please forgive me and bare with me.

Your question was at the end of yer post asking about how to deal with the hurt and emptiness or the "Dark side" of being a BL. Umm, you know, Like Eldad in his/her post, yer dealing with classic mourning symptoms.

I have come to realize BL as another orientation (Ballzy huh?!) So with that in mind, You are gonna deal with the same emotions as anyone else whether you like it or not. I've been around the block with this a few times so I've learned coping skills by necessity you might say.

I'm trying to figure how to articulate this properly. Umm... Okay, When something similar happened to me along time ago. The way I dealt with that was to put up a wall and not allow myself to be hurt so deeply like that again. (You know what you have to do in order to accomplish that!!)

My faith in God, and my knowledge of knowing who I am in God is at the center of my being. That is what I am the most attached to emotionally, and "Physically" (not Sexually, FYI) believe it or not! So when I was finally able to take on this state of being with God, I was able to let that wall down.

So with that said, When I get let down like you have described, it's not so devastating. Don't get my wrong, it still hurts MUCHO!! My attitude towards that rejection, whatever form of rejection it may be, is more like this, "He's young, still has growing and maturing to do, I'll be here and maybe down the road a new chapter will be born. Hey, you never know!" how about this, "He can't see what he's missing out on. I'm a great guy." But at the end of the day whether there's a YF with me or not, Doesn't matter cause God loves me, he will never do that to me, God will never let me down. Jesus said himself that he puts no faith in man (Humans)for they will ALWAYS let you down. So he puts his faith in God the father, He never will. Again God is not a liar.

Here I go with the preaching again... Sorry about that! But I wanted to be totally honest. It works, God works.

For what it's worth I just simply have to give my opinion about some details of your post. You can take it or leave it. Remember, opinions are like noses, everybody has one and they usually have a couple of holes in them!! *laughing* I read earlier that you tried all you could to vie for his affection. Been there and done that one too. It is possible to make boys feel overwhelmed and some of them aren't sure how to deal with that particular type of behavior. Which leads to my final Thought of this post. I think you mentioned his biological father isn't in his life? That's screws with boys, a lot. I stopped counting how many boys I knew that didn't have a stable male influence in their life. When another male suddenly comes into their life such as in your situation, Most boys will react one of two ways or sometimes both simultaneously.

1) Boy will grab hold of the man applying for the Role-model position in his life very intensely.


2) Boy will reject the male applying for the male role-model position in his life.

In your situation, it is my gut feeling that your YF simply took you for a test drive. Like a try before you buy. Some boys will take longer test drives than others.

So anyway, I can talk all night so I'm gonna stop it here for now. I tried to be sensitive to your feelings writing this post, I know how easy it can be to get offended when your in a vulnerable state reaching out as you did on his board. So if I said something in what you thought was offensive then please accept my apologies in advance.

Good luck and look up! It gets better!


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