You've really done your best, God knows. You certainly won't be able to be accused (even by yourself) of 'putting away' your wife as Matthew 19:9 describes it.

Can the two of you ever have really become "one flesh" when your mind always had to look to other flesh (boys' flesh) at the moment of union? I suppose my next thought may seem quite impious to many people, but I don't mean it as an opportunistic excuse: I know you and your wife have been legally married and have been good friends, but have you ever spiritually been married?

One thing I take literally about Adam and Eve is that I do think the Lord has made heterosexual people help-meets for each other; they have a fundamental compatibility to please and complement each other. To enter into this dance as a non-heterosexual and bump a woman away from her potential help-meet partner is surely surely not what the Lord had in mind. If it happens by accident, one can heroically try to make the best of it, but, as in plant husbandry, when the graft stock repeatedly fails to take root, it might be best to let the tree revert to nature.

Whatever the law may say, it is really an annulment she is thinking of, not a divorce. That will only change if she can decide that your boyloving self, as he truly is (or as you really are), was truly the man she purposed to marry. Instead, though, she thought your boyloving self was raw material that could be used to make a heterosexual help-meet, and this simply never happened.