Robert-I your posts always seem to move me.

I don't think I can say I've done my best. I know I've worked really hard, but one can always see where significant things could be done better, where one is just not giving all one could give. I'm not saying this to be overly humble.... it's simply the truth. On the day of judgement I won't be aquitted because of the efforts I made to build and save my marriage... they won't be worth squat I believe. I survive, as ever, by the mercy and grace of our Father; nothing more and nothing less.

Personally I do believe my wife and I are "one flesh" because despite where my mind may have been, my body has been faithfully hers. I don't know if I believe in a "spiritual marriage" between husband and wife. The joining described in Scripture is of the "flesh". To me that makes it mostly physical and we certainly have that.

The thing that ammuses me most when I read your post is that my wife would probably agree with you. In fact she herself has used the word "annulment" on a number of occasions and often says, "you were never really WITH me". Which I don't agree with at all; physically I struggle, but I have bucket loads of love and affection for her.

"Whatever the law may say, it is really an annulment she is thinking of, not a divorce. That will only change if she can decide that your boyloving self, as he truly is (or as you really are), was truly the man she purposed to marry. Instead, though, she thought your boyloving self was raw material that could be used to make a heterosexual help-meet, and this simply never happened."

I couldn't agree more with this sentiment. It made me cry reading it actually. I have asked her to accept me as I am, it is what I long for most truly and deeply. She stated in no uncertain terms that she is simply unwilling to do that. From her position it's either change or divorce. At the end I feel sorry for her. I'm a pretty good husband. I love her more than anyone else in her world and she's willing to lose that becuase of what I can't offer her. It's just so sad.

Fortunately God is merciful.

Blessings and thanks
Cat.