Hi Cat,

I am replying to you with a humble heart. I realize that your situation and mine are quite different. For one, my brain is wired differently (with regard to fantasies). So, something that is relatively easy for me to accept and implement, may seem next to impossible for you. Please know that I realize that, and my heart goes out to you.

ok... I want to get off sexually. I even believe I NEED to do it (that I'm designed for fairly regular sexual release).

Regular sexual release is good. No arguments there.

Should I
a)... totally deny myself any and all getting off and try and suppress every sexual urge? Some suggest this can be achieved by prayer.
b)... try and masturbate without fantasy (which I honestly don't think I can do).
c)... accept my urges and follow them where ever they lead... go find some cute boy and sex him up
d)... get caught up in porn
e)... take responsibility for my own sexual needs through masturbation and fantasy with a view to not ACTING OUT in (c) or (d).

On (b), for what it's worth, for me, the times that masturbation happens the most naturally and pleasurably ... is when I'm feeling close to God. When I am feeling His presence, and I'm strongly aware of His love for me, it is then that my body seems to be the most alive sexually. [I know it sounds weird.] At times like this, I am most easily able to enjoy my body in His presence. [No fantasies at all.] Prayer and praise can sometimes be a precursor to a time like this.

[Anyway, that's not the issue at hand (pardon the pun). Just thought I'd mention it.]

As for (d) and (e), I must say I am not clear as to how different viewing porn is from fantasizing about sex with a boy. Both, presumably, involve sex with a boy. One is on computer and in your mind (once viewed), and will involve a real boy; the other is only in your mind, involves an imagined boy, but also involves you as a participant in the act. They both sound almost equally as bad. Am I missing something?

[I acknowledge that real abuse took place to create the porn, and that is a big factor! Still...]

Maybe, as you indicated, (e) is the only reasonable option. And maybe God is OK with that, given the circumstances. [I don't know.] But is it holy to imagine having sex with a boy? I really struggle to see how it can be. [But God has so much Grace for us...]

Do you see any way of possibly "cleaning up" your fantasies? Instead of fantasizing about sex, could you simply imagine a cute boy ... even a cute, naked boy? [There is nothing inherently sinful about naked boys, as far as I can tell :-)] By prayer, maybe God would help you get to such a point. At least then, the subject of your fantasies would not be something that you, yourself, have acknowledge would be sinful were it to occur in real life.

Thoughts?

Blessings,
Rainboy