Thanks for this question, Eldad - I often wonder the same thing myself. I think the best way to answer this is by sharing a little bit of my personal experience with non-family AFs. Yes, I have a very clear memory of my childhood.

First of all, from my experience, a boy desiring an AF does NOT mean that his father is doing a bad job. I had the world's greatest father, and I can only hope to be half as good as him if I ever have the privilege of being a parent. Also, my uncles and grandfathers were excellent. Even so, there were some other men in my childhood/adolescence, and 2 very particular examples come to mind. I don't think either of these men were actually BLs (though you never know), but that doesn't matter, since the boy's point of view is what matters here.

1. When I was 10, I became very infatuated with one of my camp counselors, and very quickly. Now, by infatuated, I don't mean sexually (I was a very innocent boy), but I was very attracted to his charm and his manly physique (he was a firefighter - took a week off to help at camp). Basically, I followed him everywhere, or dragged him with me. He fulfilled my every desire, meaning he never pushed me away, and made lots of time for me. If he's not a BL, then he deserves a medal for showing so much love and affection to a random boy that he never met and knew he wouldn't see again.

2. When I was 13, I had a similar infatuation with my youth pastor (most of us had at least one of those in our post-elementary school years). Except this time, add a twinge of sexual attraction to the picture. I'm not really attracted to men now, but at that time my mind was basically experimenting with my own sexual development, as every boy's does around that age. Again, he was basically the kind of man I wanted to become, and I had him as a long term model. I learned from him over several years, and I'm very glad to have known him. However, I can't say he was an AF by our definition, because we never spent any private time together. I only wished at the time that he was. I didn't need any sexual contact, but at the time I certainly would have welcomed it - only for the purpose of my own self-discovery though.

So I conclude from #1 that I had a very short-lived non-familial AF/YF relationship. It was very fulfilling and memorable for my part, and I would really love to see him again today, but I only remember his first name, I wouldn't know where to start looking. From #2 I can tell you that I desired a deeper relationship with this man, but couldn't have it. It was a desire unfulfilled. But I turned out just fine anyway.

Simply stated, a YF is a boy who needs a man in his life. If there is a man willing to be there as the boy needs, then you have an AF/YF relationship (like my #1). Honestly, I think the boy benefits much more than the man. I know that I did. That man in #1 may have had some gratification from it as well, but even if he were a BL, I can't imagine him having such a long-term benefit as I did as a YF.

Be encouraged - you DO matter, and boys DO need you :)

Hikaru