When the so called normal members of society feel an immediate attraction or love towards another they may attempt to pursue it, and if they find the love is not mutual or the person is out of their league they find hope and comfort in the idea that there are plenty more fish in the sea..

However as boy lover once you make the decision to refrain from intimate contact with boys you realize that all hope fades very quickly and your thrown into a life where your hearts desires will never be fulfilled, the love you feel will never be reciprocated, you will never be able to pursue it, it feels like you already lost everything before you even lived. The pain of loving what you cant ever have and only being able to love from afar until the day you die is in my opinion one of the most painful emotions a human can have.. Its not so much the difficulty or the inconvenience of forming relations as a boy lover but knowing that the feelings you have are considered inappropriate and that you are doomed to feel the emotion of love from afar without ever being able to experience it. Especially if like me your attractions is only exclusively towards boys and you live by a set of high morals then this sexuality condemns you hopeless and depressing lonely existence.

I am still fairly young and have my whole life ahead of me but I already feel like I have lived centuries and that there is nothing for me to look forward to, all I see is many many years more of pain and I fear how I am going to make it into my old age and how I will cope with it all. I think about older boy lovers and marvel at how they made it in to their senior years without losing their life or sanity?

I am truly struggling with being a boy lover and failing at coping with it. There are some truly stunningly cute boys out there and falling in love with them makes me feel like my insides are bleeding and seeing a beautiful boy feels like a stab in the heart and even if I could somehow have one of them I still wouldn't find any satisfaction because of how inappropriate, wrong and harmful that interaction would feel for me and be considered unacceptable.

I hear about boy lovers finding happiness in just basic friendship but I know myself that well enough that would just taunt me and hurt me even more, it would be like one of those movies where a guy is best friends with a girl but the girl only treats him as a friend whilst she loves some other guy romantically and then tells the poor guy friend all about it after while he just keeps hurting inside because he cant express his true feelings.

Anyways I am in need of guidance and I'm hoping you guys can share some of your coping techniques and wisdom, thanks.