Christian BoyLove Forum #66259
I think you have to be realistic about the kind of future you expect. Suppose that you do reconnect and he moves in with you. What is the end game? Chances are, he would eventually meet someone he loves, move out, get married, and start a family. He's not going to stick around for ever.
If youre cool with that and can find pleasure in the occasional visits you may have with your now-married YF and his family, then that's great. But from the language you use ("dont want to die alone", etc.) it sounds to me like you are seeking an unrealistic outcome. Your YF is not going to be your soul mate.
A YF can be a lifelong friend and even a best friend. I know BLs who have even had children named after them by their grown YFs. Thats a great testament to impact the BL had in the YFs life. But you should never expect a YF to be your lifelong partner, thats unrealistic and unfair to the YF.
If you really cant stand the thought of living alone, you need to come up with a different strategy.