Christian BoyLove Forum #64631

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Maybe, maybe not.

Posted by Eldad on 2011-05-22 09:57:31, Sunday
In reply to Am I a bad friend for pushing away my YF? posted by . on 2011-05-21 09:01:44, Saturday

It's inevitable that a lot of us are going: 'You have the sort of relationship with a cute boy that we dream of, and you're doing WHAT?' So we need to look below the surface and ask some hard questions. The first of which is: 'Are you fantasising about him sexually? Are you giving yourself permission to indulge a hope that a lot more will happen?' I've had YFs of which both is true; some I've seriously fantasised about, some I've not. I strongly suspect that it's a bad idea, because if the opportunity does present itself - and boys DO invite us to have sex with them, don't ever assume it won't happen - it means we've half surrendered already. (It's worth thinking through how you'd react if he did make the suggestion. Probably won't happen but if it did...) And if you are fantasising about him, then that will be a cause of the guilt that is making you want to push him away. You don't need to - but you might be wise to avoid such fantasies in the future! And it might be worth exploring having other boys along when he's around.

But another cause of guilt may be a far less appropriate sense that you don't deserve the love that he has for you; as a 'dirty paedophile' you are the lowest of the low, and deserve only misery, loneliness and fires of hell. This, to put it politely, is bad theology; the truth of course is that EVERYONE deserves only misery, loneliness and the fires of hell. The incredible truth of Christianity is that despite that, 'whilst we were still sinners, Christ died for us'. We have the same right to healthy, appropriate, loving (non-sexualised) relationships as the rest of those dirty sinners out there. To believe otherwise is a lie of the enemy - you know, the one defeated at the cross - whilst God's truth is that you are His son with the same rights as everybody else.

And that brings us to the wider question of what role God is calling you to in his life. Does he need you as his friend? (Probably - I suspect every teenager needs an adult outside the family he can talk to). The only slight question I'd raise there is your description of the relationship as his treating you as a 'peer'; there's a temptation that we don't provide the boundaries to the relationship that our status as adults requires us to do, instead giving in to his every wish (been there, done that...) But don't underestimate the contribution you can make to him for the good; we live in a pathologically atomised society where solid friendships are far too rare.

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