Christian BoyLove Forum #64411
I am what most of you would describe as a prodigal son. I do not have a current relationship with Jesus. I lost that a long time ago when I abandoned him. I would like to come home, but I cannot bring myself to join a religion or church as I still see them as being mostly false. I probably can't join them either as I cannot pretend to be something I am not in a place that expects me to be truthful. I am a person attracted to boys who have not yet reached puberty. To hear from a pulpit that such people are damned to either oblivion or hell terrifies me. Not because I believe it but because I kept thinking that I am soliciting and accepting their friendship under false pretences. Their friendship was conditional upon me being like them. I am not, I could not worship with them and I cannot worship with them. I feel frightened by them and sick because I cannot be like them.
A preacher visited a church I was with in those days and told me that he believed my destiny was to be a prince in heaven. If only he knew who he was saying that to. He would have likened me to the prince of darkness.
Nevertheless, I feel a deep need to be part of a community that loves Jesus and God. This need has been tugging at me and growing in strength. I don't understand it because my beliefs have changed. I believe in reincarnation and don't believe in sin in the traditional sense of the word. I believe that we can hurt God and I feel ashamed that I have probably done this. Yes, and I feel very sorry for doing so. To that end I perceive unkindness to be wrong. I see ignoring the genuine need of another as being wrong. I don't think God cares one bit about who you have sex with unless you hurt that person either emotionally, physically or spiritually. I think Jesus was all about doing your best to love God and treating others the way you want to be treated.
So, I have come to you here and to the Church of Jesus Among the Teachers. I hope that you can clarify for me the meaning of how I feel. I come to you because you have feelings about boys similar to my own. I come to you for reasons I don't even understand. I come to you because I can be honest with you. If I can't be honest, at least somewhere, I will choke on my own vomit.
If you accept me then expect a student. I want what you have, a relationship with God and Jesus. I want to come home.