Christian BoyLove Forum #64011
I suspect you need to work on your level of depression first and foremost, whether through prayer and meditation, self-help literature or therapy (where, if you took my advice, you wouldn't mention the boy thing, since I would guess you'd feel this depression no matter what your sexual orientation was). At a certain level of depression, your interest in things (even in slightly imperfect boys) is diminished, and you can't recognize when you have a good thing starting up.
If you want to be sure you're not wasting your life, do some service work for a church, BL website or charity and build up your 'treasures in heaven.' Creating a few grains of better life for others feels good and makes you more spiritually attractive. Volunteers often take some flak, too, so you get to feel very robust when you ward off any unjust criticism that comes your way and get on with the good stuff.
Even your posting on this board and helping to keep it going is a very valid use of your lifespan. Bringing your reality to it is a plus, even when you're not feeling at your best. You encourage other people to say what's on their minds and come out of complete isolation. So thanks.