It is so hard to give advice to issues as serious as this at such a distance because there are SO many factors that play into a situation like this. However all I can do is point in the direction of the person who can help - Jesus Christ - now you probably think "Oh wow I KNOW that already" but the fact is that you are still struggling with innapropriate feelings which are causing you a great deal of pain.

So if you will - may I give you some generalized 'how to' advice (bearing in mind that I can't really address specifics because I don't know what all the specifics are, and really don't want to guess.

And really all I can do is relate to what has worked for me in my experience both dealing with my own issues and in counselling others.

1. There are 3 areas that cause problems for us:

Unmet needs - good things that should have happened but didn't

Unhealed hurts - fairly obvious

Unresolved issues - those things in life that we just can't work out why they happened to us.

and we ALL have them. We are the imperfect product of an imperfect world.

2. Resolving those issues means being willing to let God expose them and I will not lie to you and tell you it is either easy or painless. We build up such protective layers over our hurt places to defend them BUT the problem is that layers of defense keep the pain in and cause other people to react to us because they hit the defensive walls and react negatively which usually produces in us an affirmation of why the walls are there in the first place. See everyone always treats me like XYZ so I am right to defend against it. Conscious or subconscious this the process.

3. When we give our life to God the Holy Spirit immediately starts bringing about circumstances to make us aware and vulnerable because when we are vulnerable we are also open - so don't despise the state of vulnerability you are in - it's actually a good place where healing can take place.

4. You have to be willing to cooperate with the process and be willing to let God expose everything - even the parts you have hidden from yourself.

5. If you submit to God and tell Him you submit to Him He will (depending on how well you can hear Him yourself) either tell you or lead you to some one who can tell you what the things are that you need to deal with.

(now don't tell me that desire is the issue - that is not the problem - the desire is a symptom, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, anger, those are symptoms of the problems NOT the problem itself) They are symptoms of trying to deal with whatever need is not being met and/or whatever pain you are hiding/suppressing.

In my life I compensated for years by being totally withdrawn then I discovered sex as a teenager and tried to establish a new record for promiscuity (pretty sure I didn't succeed but I sure as heck tried) Then I got married - BIG MISTAKE - and am only now in a place where all the hidden stuff is being exposed and healed and God can move me into healthy normal relationships. So I can truly testify that God can and does heal when we let him. I won't say it's easy - just pray this prayer and Bob's your Uncle because it isn't like that.

There are layers of stuff we have pushed and shoved down into the depths of our soul - and God in His mercy doesn't just haul it all out in one go - He uncovers what we can cope with and no more.

The good news is - that if we let Him expose and heal and restore - then WOW the person we become is the person we were always meant to be before life got in the way and it's pretty amazing!

So let me encourage you - now while you are vulnerable and open - reach out to God - let Him heal whatever is there and go step by step into being the person God created you to be.