In the end, it seems as if every post, no matter how long, how brief or whatever, it all screams a question, and more to the point; the same one:
Why?
Everyone asks why, the only variable being, why what.
Very recently I have been cooped up in a house with no more job - no vehicle and a broken cell phone. Very limited contact with other people, all this included in being gay, it's just not a great a mix.
What?! Youth is gay??
Sure, why not. No sense in fighting it anymore.
I am rediculously attracted to males, my age and younger.
So yes, somewhere along the line, I am one of you. Somewhere.
Why me?
I am sure there are plenty of other folks who have it together that could handle this better then I can, people out there who could see through the smoke and be all like "Oh look, a blessing", and now i just don't give a crap. Why choose me?
And then lets make what I am, basically a sin, sure technically it's not a sin to be attracted, but in the end, you can't act on it. What other sin is a direct response from love? I love this man, but the bible is all like "Ha, no sex with other men." So like... what??
I'm not even sure if Jesus would be all like "Sure, you can date another guy, but don't have sex with him" I'm not sure if having a NON sexual relationship with another male is okay. But in the end, how long can a deep intamate relationship go on without sexual contact - somewhere?
If I am so miserable, there is nothing in the world that makes me happy to the point I just want to die, what if there is that sixteen year old boy You - God, put in my life, if he makes me happy, WHY can't I have him?
I just don't understand, you scream patience and understanding and along the line we must have called the wrong number.

WHY make me this way, then crush the floor beneath me, inevitable ending in my fall? It just doesn't make sense.
Failure leaves, SUCH a bitter taste in my mouth.

All these questions - yet no answers.