Hey everyone. I have gone two weeks without looking at any porn! Yea! I did have one misstep however. I did look at some pictures of boys that were clothed, did not get aroused, and got back onto the wagon. I have actually been excited at how keeping away from porn has reduced my sexual anxiety and masturbation frequency. It also makes me feel as if I am a better person for avoiding it. So, please pray for my continued success.

On another note, I am more worried about my feelings towards my longtime YF. There used to be a time in our relationship that I wanted him to call me every night before he went to bed. I would not sleep well if I didn't hear from him, even when he was not living with me. Last year, however, there was a period where we didn't speak for 2-3 months, and I actually got to the point where it was ok for me to not talk to him at all. We have talked a lot this year, but this past week and a half we haven't talked at all. He has called me almost every night, but I have been too busy to pick up, and he is calling from different numbers to due cell phone problems. My problem is that I don't miss it anymore if we don't talk. I feel sometimes that if the relationship were to end tomorrow forever, that I would be OK. I don't know, kind of like a marriage, or relationship that has staled, where if something better came along I wouldn't hesitate to snatch it up. As a Christian I will be there for him, but I don't know anymore if I want to be there as a BL. In fact, I don't even know if I want him to visit me over the summer. I think it might be more hastle than its worth. He's 19 now, not the YF i remember, and I don't want to have to house him, feed him, care for him like when he was 12 or 13. Someone help me gain my senses here, please!