One of the challenges we face is to remember that they are still boys - despite the fact that we care so much for them. Part of the definition of being a child is not to have too much responsibility thrust onto them, and for them to know that we have this overwhelmingly important secret, then that's putting a lot onto them.

Failing to realise how young they are is one of my persistent mistakes as a BL; I see them as more mature than they are - though I sometimes suspect that their parents make the opposite mistake! We need to be very cautious about what we share with them - there really ought to be nothing that we wouldn't mind their sharing with their parents, as ideally they should have no secrets from them. So to create an area where there is such a secret when there is really no need to is to be unfair to their family.

I understand where you are coming from - the fact that my latest YF was 23 created a radically different scenario, and so we were able to share all this - and a lot more; he'd been sexually involved with his mother's boyfriend some 10 years earlier which has left him confused about his sexuality, though he has now married reasonably successfully... The freedom that that gave us and the strength of relationship was incredible, so it is attractive - but I really don't think it is a good idea.