yeah but being repulsed by it and actually doing it are really different things . . . do you mean that you are now fantasising about it? I know many of the christians here on the board say this is a bad thing but I think it is pretty natural. For me, fantasising actually touching a boy was something I never did until I went on the sex course I had to do. That's ironic really because they meant to do the opposite but it actually helped me accept myself as a sexual person a little more . . . fantasies are ok in my book. All the best marc. You're not alone!