Beloved, I don't know how small or isolated a place you may live, but if you can, try to find and read as many as you can of the little list of books at http://www.gbpflag.org/congregations

OR, go to the UFMCC website at http://www.mccchurch.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Find_an_MCC

and find your nearest MCC church and just go hear what the pastor or associate has to say to you about how you can worship God to the fullest, without reservation, and still be gay.

About the books,

But Lord, They're Gay — Sylvia Pennington, 1983 (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble)

Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe... — John Boswell, 2005 (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble)

Is the Homosexual My Neighbor? Another Christian View — Letha D. Scanzoni, Virginia R. Mollenkott, 1994 (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble)

The Church and the Homosexual — John J. McNeill, 1993 (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble)

What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality — Daniel A. Helminiak, 2000 (Amazon) (Barnes & Noble)

... unless you want to concentrate on the bible scholarship aspect, the best is the first. It's also out of print and not easy to get right now. Best places to find it if you don't live in a city with a big public library system would be an MCC church or a PFLAG branch. Sylvia Pennington was a wonderful woman (who I have hugged myself!), a heterosexual mom who'd never had previous gay friendships or contacts. She sent by her church to preach the Eldad viewpoint to the gay community of San Francisco. Over months of meeting people and seeing vibrant loving relationships, she realized that something didn't add up ... how could people who supposedly had turned from God's love be so full of love and have such normal loving relationships? She went back to the bible to consult and pray about this, and the result was this warm, sensible, loving book. It was published independently and mostly sold by her as she was brought from congregation to congregation -- gay literary bookshops also had it. Second hand copies now can be rather expensive but there's one on the US Amazon right now that's not too bad. I suppose you don't have a credit card, though.

If you're ever feeling suicidal or otherwise really awful about this, rent a postbox first at your local post office and let me know and I will have a copy sent to you, my own if I can't find another one.

You don't take me seriously about this but maybe this beautiful mom and grandma can reach you. Alas, she died a few years ago herself, but her spirit lives on.