The biggest frustration I have as a BL is I want a boy companion that can live with me forever.

It's just not possible.
Boys live with their parents and invariably MOVE with them.
Further more, they grow up.

Boys' number one caregiver is their parents... not their Boylover.

Chances are that getting the kind of relationship we long for is RARE.

I think we need to accept this reality and adjust our expectations so that we are grateful for what we do get.

Marc, I believe your depression comes about from having high expectations that can't be met. Let them go. Appreciate what you do have rather than letting what you don't have overwhelm you.

You can survive happily on this lesser provision... but you have to be willing to do so and willing to live with some hurt and frustration.

Blessings
Cat.