Devotionals #105571

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Devotional #75

Posted by Cat on 2010-05-08 16:43:44, Saturday

22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

24But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,

26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

30because we are members of His body.


32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33.

You may be wondering why I'd be using a passage on marriage in a BL devotional.... but please bear with me.... though this devotional could be accused of being most sacrilegious by some (/gulp).

I've been wondering recently about the reason WHY I'm sexually attracted to boys. I believe that being a boylover is a gift. I have an exceptional love for boys and it gives me great energy to be in their lives to bless them and to care for them.
But why must it be sexual?
Things would be ever EVER so much simpler if I just loved them without there being a sexual dimension. Surely all the good things about my love for boys could be equally beneficial for them and for me if I wasn't also having feelings of sexual desire thrown in there.
I believe that sexing a boy is completely outside the will of God and so I have to take my sexual desires and subject them to God's will and it's a tough battle. Not because I'm tempted to act out... but because there is an emotional cost for me to loving a boy well in a non-sexual way. Mostly it's in living with the deep craving for a boy companion (in the one flesh, husband/wife sense) that can never be fulfilled.

Here's where the Ephesians passage comes in.
The one-flesh love between a husband and a wife is actually a great mystery. It is a natural (that is, in living flesh) example or revelation of the love Christ has for the church. Now sex is what makes a husband and wife one flesh.... (though the bond, once formed, runs so much deeper than just sexing and fills every aspect of the couples' life).
Jesus loves His church... it is His body. He cares for it. He feeds it. He washes it with the word of God and cleanses it. He gives His life for it, He saves it.
Who can comprehend such love as this!!!???
Who can grasp this great mystery of God's love for His own people?
Husbands and wives.
They can grasp it because they have insight into the mystery because of their one-flesh, sexual love.
Now what if we boylovers also have a similar insight into the mystery because of our sexual feelings?
Is the sexual love I feel towards boys possibly speaking to me of this same mystery?
Sure I have to live a life of abstinence in regards to acting on these feelings in a sexual way... but didn't Jesus do that too? The love He had for his church compelled Him to live a single, sexually-abstinent life.
So what is my point?
I believe I'm gifted to love boys. I have a special gifting to lay down my life for them, to nurture and feed and care for them.... to wash them in the word and love of God... To encourage them towards godliness and salvation through faith in Jesus.
I believe this love is largely motivated by my sexuality.... and by this I mean my strong desire to have a boy companion in a one-flesh kind of way.
And I believe that even though it is God's will for me to abstain from being with a boy in a sexual way, that the sexual love I have is an insight into the love Christ has for the church.... and in this respect it is something I'm extremely thankful for.

Father, when I look at my yfs and I feel such love for them, I thank You. Surely this is an insight into the love You have for me. When I feel that overwhelming passion to have my boy as my lover and life companion... I thank You, in as much as You are showing me through these feelings the passion You have to love me and by my life companion for all eternity. Loving affection is a pretty good feeling, one of the best in life and it makes me realise just how much you really, really do love me. When I see my boy feelings in the light of Your love it fills me with gratitude and makes me worship. Do You delight in me as much as I delight in them? Do I thrill Your heart as much as they thrill mine? Do You want me with the same passion with which I want them? Surely what I'm feeling can only be a shadow of YOUR love.... WOW!!!
And as I, for holiness sake, deny my sexual feelings outlets with these boys I love, I think of how Jesus denied Himself of sexual love when he was on the earth for the sake of those He loved, and again, I'm grateful.
Thankyou so much for love Daddy, help us to love as You love. I ask this in Jesus name.

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