I sat in jail for the first time in my life. I had failed. I am an alcoholic, and knew not to drink, but I did anyway.  I got into a terrible fight with my brother, was charged with assault, and ended up sitting in jail.  But that wasn't the worst of it.

My brother had his revenge.  He found letters I had received from BLer friends of mine, as well as ones written to them but not sent yet.  He also found my personal journals, a research questionnaire on sexuality that I was filling out, and two Jock Sturges books I had bought at Barnes and Noble, which contained nude photos (including those of children).  He found everything I had kept private for years and years, and turned it all over to the police.

Talk about being afraid--I was terrified.  I had never been to jail; I'd hardly ever gotten a speeding ticket.  Not only was I in jail for something really awful, but also the authorities knew something about me that was potentially dangerous for me in jail.  Little did I know that God's hand would reach out to me in a most powerful way.

Genesis chapter 3 gives an account of the first sin--man's first screw-up.  I can relate to that.  I'm alcoholic and yet I ate of the forbidden fruit, even though I knew better.  I paid the price for it.  There were a lot of bad consequences, but the fear was the worst part.  Genesis 3:9-10 says, "But the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'  He answered, 'I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.'"

In Adam's case, the devil used fear to separate him from God.  And this is what happens with fear--it separates us from God.  This is what Satan tried to do in my life as well.  He didn't stop with my drinking or the consequences that followed that.  He threw in something else which he knew was guaranteed to terrify me.  He was trying his hardest to separate me from the Lord.  But it didn't work; the hand of my most precious Lord was there for me.

God's hand came in the form of others!  There was a blessed pastor who knew my whole story; he came to talk to me, to fellowship with me, and to pray with me every week I was in jail.  I'm attending his church now.  There were cards and letters I received from many folks, children of God, from CBF.  There was a wonderful friendship that God built between me and another inmate, a friendship in Jesus Christ that exists today still.  And there was yet another friend who came to see me and share the Lord with me.  All of this took the fear out of me!

I had to be willing to trust God, and I still have to hone that trust.  Even though I haven't always been faithful, God has shown me how faithful he can be.  I have to always remember that it is fear that can destroy faith.

We can destroy fear.  I've come to believe that no matter how far down we might find ourselves, we can find great strength in the Lord's hand.  And that hand is often made up of all of us.  We are God's hand for one another, regardless of denomination or location.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day...
If you make the Most High your dwelling--even the Lord who is my refuge--
Then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

--Psalm 91:4-5,9-10.

Stay in the word.  It can and will bring you through any and every trial.  The days that I forgot to open my Bible or just felt too depressed to do it were horrible.  I became more depressed and filled with fear.  But the days that I got up and opened that Bible the depression wasn't so bad and the fear went away.  God's word has the power to do this.

We will all have to go through many trials while we walk with Christ.  Maybe some of us have problems with co-dependency, or depression, or mental problems of some sort.  God knows our problems, and he will heal some and use some for his plan.  But our rewards will be great for enduring the pain of trials (James 1:2-4).

I truly love all of you.  Love destroys fear most of all.  And God's love is the greatest.  I pray that his love will fill every part of your lives as we all walk this road of faith together.

Love in Christ Jesus,
Chris