Christian BoyLove Forum #66958

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Should we BLs spend time with boys?

Posted by Eldad on 2017-07-16 19:26:32, Sunday

Modern society is risk averse; parents demand that their children are kept SAFE - with the result that many of the activities which young people were free to do in the past have become off limits or restricted to ever older age ranges. In answering this question therefore we have to look past the standards of our culture to what is truly wise for us in service of our God.

Let's also recognise that there's some sloppy thinking here. Historically teenage girls were taught by women because it was recognised that men WERE attracted to them. Such concerns have been trumped by the clamour for equal rights and opportunities for all teachers without any serious discussion of the issue.

So: should we apply to work on a kids' camp, seek to be a Sunday school teacher, be a full time school teacher? Should we seek to have boys in our life more generally - if the opportunity presents, should we allow a AF/YF friendship with a particular boy to develop?

I don't think there is a simple answer; what may be appropriate for one of us might be very foolish for another. We should start from realising that we have something to give to boys; our enjoyment of their company means that we are better equipped to be the friends that they need than the person who has been pushed into the role for other reasons. Yet we need to be careful; we need to be conscious when our response to a boy is more driven by lust than love - though if we are honest there will often be a mixture. However a major line has been crossed when we start thinking seriously about having sex with him - that's the time to cool things. One rule to consider is to follow the guidelines of a lot of organisations that you should never be alone with a boy; another is never to meet anywhere except in public. And don't assume that a boy isn't aware of the possibility of a sexual relationship with you; these days when society has fully legitimated gay sex, adolescent boys are NOT innocent. If you don't want it to happen, create some barriers against it like their never knowing your home address, and looking for opportunities to mention your opposition to sex outside marriage.

Finally - think about worst case scenarios and how to deal with them. If the cute boy that you can't keep your eyes off does turn up on your doorstep one day, what do you say / do? If circumstances do allow a boy to make a serious pass at you, how do you react? Remember Satan wants to bring us down, and arranging serious temptations is his stock in trade.

But to end on a positive note: we CAN bless boys and help their growth into maturity. Many kids need more adult input than their families provide; the old saw 'it takes a village to raise a child' has much truth to it. So don't dismiss the possibility - but equally don't charge in without thought and prayer.

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