Christian BoyLove Forum #66951
lately I've been thinking a lot about the situation of people like heartbroken:
"I always had this idea that I would age with my yf, be a normal gay couple, and live a normal life. Unfortunately this is no longer going to be the case as he is not gay."
When I think about what advise could I possibly give, it's hard. He has a genuine desire for a soulmate / marriage (as previously quoted from Cat):
"(...) my companionship desire. It is part of my created being. And its a part that He created to be filled by other people. Particularly a wife... but mine is broken :( "
And heartbroken will propably (unless he is attracted to adults) be unable to find such a union. Thus, he will be sad forever, right? His need unfulfilled?
The culture teaches us that we should strive to be happy at all times [and if possible and convenient, make others around you happy].
It even moves to the point of assuming the existence of an 'invisible hand', that would lead the society to biggest progress if everyone simply and literally minded their own business. Suddenly living for ourselves is being given an altruistic meaning. I think you get the irony...
Or you could look at John Lennon's "Imagine". He describes the perfect society as one where there's no "heaven", "hell", "nothing to kill or die for"; "all the people living for today" - basically a society of people living to do what they want, how they want. Everybody just trying to live his/her dream and nobody telling them it's wrong, because there are no moral standards; the only goal there is being temporal happiness..
// (this is supposed to be perfect? That's not even acceptable..)
My friend once told me about one friend of his who was in the seminary. He once said to the rector:
'I don't know if being a person like that will feel fulfilling for me later on in life',
to which the rector had the perfect response:
'Mhm, mhm... so what?'
He turned this young man's attention to what really matters.
While the culture says one thing, we do have other directives from Jesus.
He said, on his last evening with the Apostles, that they are to love one another:
"34A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another." (John 13, 34-35)
It's worth mentioning that the only other directives in that last long conversation were to "wash one another's feet" and to "abide in Him". Basically, the reminder of His whole teaching and a summary at the same time were these commandments:
to love God and to abide in Him;
to love the people in our lives and to serve them.
This is what we are supposed to do. This is what we should be living for. Our personal happiness isn't more important than that of our neighbour or our relationship with Christ.
This is what we are being called to.
"1As a prisoner in the Lord, then, I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling you have received: 2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3and with diligence to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
(Ephesians 4, 1-3)
And this is not God being ruthless in making us live unfulfilled, unhappy lives... exactly the opposite!! Take a look at another passage from the same conversation in John 15:
"9As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Remain in My love.
10If you keep My commandments, you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and remain in His love.
11I have told you these things so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be complete."
Jesus tells us we can have His joy in life. The joy of the most fulfilled person in the history of humanity. Nobody could've been more satisfied with their life than Jesus. He was really living out His calling, 100%.
And while living such a life is very hard... It pushes us towards things we didn't think possible. Thankfully Jesus is with us and empowers us to do His will:
"20I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." (Ga 2, 20)
Fr Larry Richards had a very interesting commentary on that passage:
"There's a great book on the Holy Spirit, it's called the Forgotten God, and in this book the guy tells a story about: what if a guy wanted to be the best football player in the world? He prays 'I wanna be the best football player';
God appears and says 'What do you want?',
[he replies] 'I wanna be the best football player';
[then God says] 'Okay, here's what's gonna happen: I will live inside you and I will play football for you'.
Would you expect that guy to be a good football player? THE BEST!
Well, this is what happens to us;
God says: 'I want you to be a Christian, THE BEST, so I will live inside of you and I will live the Christian life for you'.
Don't you expect us to be better than we are? The problem is when we get in the way of Jesus..."
source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDvRaWoFWeQ (~9:30)
[Another talk by the same priest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDvRaWoFWeQ ]
If we let that happen, we will have changed radically. Our view on most things will have changed from 'what I want' to 'what You want'; we strive for this each time we pray as Jesus told us to: "Your kingdom come, your will be done"...
Below is the story of 'Patrick' (not his real name), who was discerning whether to shut down his own business in order to work a full-time job leading the prison ministry:
"When he looked at the disadvantages of taking this position, he's really quickly realized that they really was not a lot of weight to them at least comprable weight:
'I would have less time for myself,
less time for the gym,
less time to spend with my grandkids,
really would have to push myself' (...)
As Patrick goes through these three weeks of the discernment process not only is he moving toward clarity in the option that God wants of him, but his heart is also being changed; there's a transformation going on in him, as he goes through this:
'About a week and a half into it [the process of discernment] I found that all the selfish motives for not taking the position were gone' "
None of us can really know our path. It's even harder to tell another person, what would be the best in his/her situation.
But if we really commit ourselves to finding out and fulfilling God's will, we can be sure that we will:
- be joyful;
- be fulfilled [possibly only without feeling fulfilled];
- be satisfied with our lives;
And most importantly, if we truly live out what God tells us His will is in prayer, we can be sure we are doing what God wants for us.
And, living with someone or alone, being rich or poor, spending hours and hours in prayer or working your socks off, it will be a life you wouldn't exchange for any other.
I hope and pray that everyone of us will experience something like Patrick, when we give ourselves fully to the Lord and decide to follow him wherever he leads, even despite our own desires.
Praise be to God for He is good.
"11To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of His calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by His power, 12so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ."
(2 Thessalonians 1, 11-12)