Christian BoyLove Forum #65066
just a couple of thoughts on this . . . I suppose I feel myself to be a 'borderline' pedophile now - in the sense that I veer from day to day depending upon circumstances such as personal level of stress, how isolated I feel, who I have met or seen, but also what I have been doing online. The more alone or unable to cope I feel in my daily life the more I tend to 'regress' into boy-watching. The more engaged and less self-consciously 'unhappy' I feel myself to be the more I seem to yearn for a full-on adult relationship.
For me then I see my pedophilia as a marker of my level of insecurity and unhappiness.
In one way thats all just semantics anyway because I will never have a 'full-on adult relationship', but it is amazing how much one lives on a sort of indeterminate 'hope'.
I would like to point out that my spiritual life - when I allow myself to have a fuller one - changes everything about the way I regard my own self (and sexuality) in ways that are very difficult to explain . . .
How does this link with 'pedophilia is unnatural'? I suppose what I am driving at is that if by 'unnatural' people mean 'unhappy, insecure and unfulfilled' then I might be able to agree. No pedophile is ever going to be a fulfilled and happy person where his sexual being is concerned. But then, of course, how many 'normal' heterosexual people are 'fulfilled and happy' in their sexual being for any more than a tiny proportion of their lives?
'Natural' or 'normal' are words which only have meaning for people who like to keep things way too simple for their own good.