Christian BoyLove Forum #64869
At the moment you appear to be acting in the belief that the only thing that makes life worth living is the 'dangerous, risky' aspects of your life. The truth of course is that they don't really - they feel good at the time, but afterwards make you feel miserable. So my understanding is that you need to break out of that by finding other stuff that makes life good. That may be things you've enjoyed in the past, and go back to doing that, or may be something completely new. Hopefully it will include something to do with God - because ultimately He's the only real answer - but other forms of activity - playing the tourist, going for long walks, join a gym, volunteering for shelters of various kinds, academic study in areas that interest you, concerts / plays - can enable you to realise there are other things that can help you on the way.
The other issue is finding ways to spend time with other people; some of the above can be group or solitary. This isn't easy at times though meetup.com might offer a way in to getting to know people. As someone who is at the introvert end of the scale, I need a lot of time on my own, but even so need to get out and meet the world occasionally...
Hope some of that makes sense.