You know I hadn't considered this question from the point of view of what I would have been if God hadn't stepped in. But like you, I was on a path to ruin and self destruction. Before I became a committed Christian I was publicly (amongst my peers) advocating for man/boy sexual relationships. I was just a teen back then, but considering the current political climate that was a doomed path and I'm so glad God saved me from it.

I was suicidal and depressed. I was heart broken from the loss of a very loved yf and God saved me from all of that and has made my life something productive and useful in His kingdom.

I've been blessed with having children of my own as well as ministering to many others though involvements in youth activities where I've had the privilege of loving and being loved in healthy (non-sexual) ways by many boys (and girls for that matter).

Father has put into my heart a great love of His word and it is my joy and delight to share that with others. Overall I feel very blessed that the glory of God is displayed in my life and I thank Him for His grace in choosing me for this.

Blessings
Cat.