Christian BoyLove Forum #64091
I tend to be a little obsessive about things when I take an interest in them. When I took an interest in listening to mp3s through my car stereo, a $100 head unit upgrade quickly turned into several thousand dollars worth of amps, speakers, and audio equipment. When I took an interest in photography, a camera purchase turned into a series of lenses, filters, tripods, and assorted equipment.
I also have a tendency to grow bored with my latest obsession fairly quickly and move on to something else. All the audio gear in my car is now primarily wasted on NPR and talk radio stations, the camera equipment sits unused in a corner and only occasionally makes appearances at special events, etc.
My latest obsession is fashion. As usual, it started out as a simple purchase, a nice looking watch I saw in a catalog which quickly turned into a collection of watches which led to sport coats and suits and colognes, etc... What is different about this obsession is the direction in which it is leading. I now find myself with all of this stuff to wear but nowhere to really wear it to. Which has led me to a desire to start going out to certain bars and clubs where such attire would be appropriate. I find myself wanting to go out on weekends and meet women. I find myself wanting to flirt, to attempt to get phone numbers, to exercise the social part of my brain that has been so lacking for so long. It feels like what I really want is to play one of these characters from the movies. The question I can't answer though, is "what is the end game, and is it moral?". I am not at all attracted to women. If I did this, it wouldn't be because I actually want a girlfriend or sex or even friendship with women. I would be doing it only to fulfill some kind of desire to play this suave guy role, a role obviously not in line with who I truly am. How much, if any, flirting is acceptable? At what point am I being deceptive and just leading them on knowing that there is nothing at the end? Should I give it a shot?
It might not work anyway, I am not at all a social person and this could all end in me sitting in a bar by myself for an hour, then going home and never trying it again. It is certainly far beyond my typical comfort zone and very likely to end in nothing but failure. Still...should I give it a try? Having a girlfriend would certainly help minimize suspicions about me that people might have.