...Even if you can't reply here.

I have to reply to some of this.

"the isolated pedo-havens where cognitive distortion is the norm,
your naivete is forced, disingenuous, and, in the great pedophile tradition, utterly kid-centered, at the expense of adult realities."

I simply do not beleive that this is an accurate description of this place. I believe that many of us here seek to be (and encourage one another to be) GOD CENTERED. We seek to orbit our Boylove around God and not the other way around. Adult realities ARE discussed here and Godly self-control and moral accontability encouraged.

"If I were Cat's wife, I'd be tempted to hit him in the head with a frying pan for engaging in such an insulting stunt, AT THE VERY MOMENT WHEN he is dumping her. Cat, I love you, man, but it hurts to see you doing something like this. I can only imagine that your wife sees it as adding insult to injury. And trying to get "our" blessing for it, in this circle-jerk of mutually-reinforcing moral imbecility!"

When she was feeling jealous of my yf it may have been true that she would want to hit me in the head with a frying pan. But that has turned around now. She's seeing the genuineness of the relationship and getting involved with it. She's trusting that my intentions are not corrupt with him and I believe they are not. I've said so to her and to his parents and I feel confident before God that I'm being honest.
Also I'm NOT dumping her. I want to continue in the marriage... but I am not willing to deny who I am to do it. So I stand for my realities and ask her to accept me as I am. I'm not asking her to tollerate immoral behaviour, but I am asking her to accept that I'm a man struggling with sexuality issues and seeking to deal with them in as godly a manner as I'm able.
You love me.... I know this Diddy and I appreciate it SO VERY MUCH...thank you :D
In asking for advice I'm not seeking anyone's "blessing" on my relationship with my yf. That relationship stands on its own regardless of anyone's blessing here. What I was seeking was perspective outside of my own head space where my affection for my yf can cloud my own judgement on important issues. The fact that the advice given here was not "stuff your wife the boy is everything" (in fact two of you... perhaps 3... suggested forgetting the present altogether) just goes to show that we are not so guilty of the thinking you are seeking to protect us from.

The "evidence" you presented was of a guy who's moral agenda seems to have been to advocate FOR adult/child sexual relating. I think then that there's little wonder that when oppertunity came he pursued and finally got involved in such a relationship.

I don't see a comparison between this guy and the moral attitude many here are seeking to uphold. Our "talk[ing] a good game about values and education and chastity" is not just talk. We are really trying to LIVE this talk. The "laying on of gifts and sugary praise" is not grooming but the blessing of gift-giving and words of affirmation that seek the well-being of the boy. I'm constantly vigilant to seek that the things I give my yf do not manipulate him in any way, do not seek primarly to esteem myself in his favour or make him feel in any sense indebted to me. My goal is ever to make him feel valued, respected and give all thanks to God. These intentions do not lead to "slipping in the claw when daddy's asleep". They lead to self-control, self-sacrifice and service. Temptation, where it exists, is recognised for what it is and dealt with in as Godly a way as we are able. And there is no reason to think that if we keep ourselves accountable and honest and prayerful and in fellowship and within appropriate boundaries that God won't guide us into all righteousness.

I don't love my yf out of a sense of being a victum, nor do I want to transfer my pain or hurt onto some kid. I work hard to keep my pain in my adult world so that my relationship with my yf can be healthy and a blesing to him all the way.

Blessings
Cat.