I cannot come near to competing with your intellectual way of writing, though at least I certainly understand your feelings about what we could call the 'chalkface' of Christianity: by which I mean the building, the liturgy and the people we come across there.
If I came into the church which I presently attend as a complete stranger with a vague longing and noone to help me through it, it would be a once-only experience: I would never have gone back. It is dissatisfying on so many different levels: aesthetically, intellectually, socially,emotionally and linguistically too.
Each person's way to God (or as I would understand it: God's way to each person) is through the things that he loves and through the life that he chooses to live; through the people he meets,the things that he writes or creates himself, the books he reads and the accidents and tragedies that he encounters in his life.
I am wondering how old you are. I don't want to sound like someone who has 'found God', (how I hate that phrase) but unfortunately I suppose I am really. For me, 'Christianity' as a label remains a difficult philosophical struggle exactly because I need to understand everything and have always been unable to accept anything at face value: especially doctrine (or the Law for that matter). That's my education for you. There remain a thousand things that 'Christians' seem to be required to 'accept' that I still have not, cannot. . . . . my own journey has been through rebellion, music, rather obsessional journals, and, above all, the people I have found myself loving - for no other reason than that I loved them . . .
It takes us longer to 'grow up' these days. (It's probably always been that way actually) By the age of twenty we are out making a living and expected to be responsible adults capable of moral decision and married life and children. I am 53 and still a long way from being proficient in any of the most basic of living skills. . . .
So I cannot be surprised that the world we create for ourselves is such a permanent botch. We are all thrown out into it way before we are capable of doing anything properly and so we do what men have always done: we do the best we can and hope that the ensuing generation will be forgiving, which, by the way, they never are . . . . . and that goes for the church as well. So why should I be surprised that my church does not 'satisfy'?
On out-and-out spiritual rebellion which seems to be where you are at presently. . . . . I was a Beethoven freak as a teenager. He was my 'comic hero' and I learnt what happens to rebels through his music. Rebels can pound themselves to death [and it may be a glorious death but it will still be a death]; or they can eventually stop pounding and adapt. Beethoven, by the way, did a lot of pounding too, but, perhaps because his pounding is a creative type of pounding rather than a destructive type, the pounding gradually changes him. He pounds his rage and his 'whys' and he gets answers in totally unexpected ways and listening to his music I could hear how and why, which helped me a great deal. . . . [The Old Testament is full of rebels too by the way and we learn from them too.]
And then, of course,to complicate things further, Jesus too was a rebel (of a quite different sort perhaps) and seems to call his followers to be rebels also, which makes the Christian journey into respectability and conformity both a double-edged sword and a stumbling-block.
God as Rebel. that would be an interesting title for a book I think!

What do you mean by a BL vision?