"But why does it have to be a bad thing that you don't understand existence?"

Because, I want to know. I need to. I want to be sure that this all isn't some fake world. I want to be sure that all of this is worth going through.

"life, this life, is a chance to prove to God that you give a crap."

But, I don't give a crap. God? Why the hell did he make us in the first place, If, in fact, he is real? Was it cause he was alone? Is he a sick fuck? What possible reason could there be for creating all of this?

And then there is this bullshit reality. I had to go to school for like 14 years of my life and then pay to go to school to get a job and work for the next 50 or 60 years of my life and for what? This "Reality" is bull shit.

*Sigh* If I ever could, I think I'd like to find someone who understands me. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel so alone. Friends? They don't help me much.

I blame Existentialism for this......Damn it all.

Paranoid.