..would be the correct expression to explain my life right now. Time goes by like this long drawn out object when I feel lonley and seperated.

Too loud to hear, and I am literally lost in the sound of seperation.
My mind races constantly, back and forth, so many quetion no answers.
The thing I have come to admit and not beat around the bush about, I really don't trust that God will turn things around. I know the Good God exsists, and i believe his power is unlimited it's just so much hurt and so little progress, so much prayer and so little perfecting. I am doubtful BECAUSE of all the pain I have in side. I think that if any more garbage got on my plate, like if my One died, or someone close to me in my family passed away, I might go clinicly insane. I really don't doubt it. But I am not counting God out, BECASUSE the only reason I have a problem being who I am is because of what he has said. It's almost not fair really, I feel left out. Can this be real?
In my mind : I've failed you, I have failed you.
But this half broken faith in God, it's not even faith.. I KNOW who God is. Bare with me, bare with me, this is all I have left. I think that if God REALLY wanted me to fight for His Kingdom, he would be doing something in my life. I almost want to say...
This is defeat.