Tonight my counsellor and I decided to give my counselling a break for a while.

We aren't really getting anywhere.

I have found counselling to be enormously helpful in so many ways, but I realise that no matter how much of my emotional baggage I unpack and try to put away, no matter how many of my wounds I patch up, no matter what life skills I learn to help me manage my self-control and relationships... that none of my progress has made one jot of difference to my sexuality.

Of course my Christian brothers all say "you need to let go Cat"... "stop holding onto things Cat".
Well maybe I am holding on to things but

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT GOD HEALING ME DEPENDS ON ANY ACT(S) OF WILL ON MY PART.

I'm not missing out on healing because I'm holding onto boy stuff.
I'm holding onto boy stuff because I'm not healed.

It's time for Cat to move on.
To get past this heavy handed searching for deliverance all the time.
I'm not straight... it's as simple as that.
My wife will either learn to live with that or she won't.

Currently we are sleeping in the same bed in an agreed-on sexless relationship. She says she can deal with that "for now"... who knows what our future holds (with us it seems to change every week).

Thank you all for your ongoing prayers and support.
PRAISE GOD FOR YOU ALL MY DEAR BROTHERS!

Blessings
Cat.