this is tortuous stuff cat. I cannot even begin to answer any of your questions except that I do remember when I went to Fr E back when I was 19 and was desperately worried because I was going into the local museum to look at boys there and he simply said God needs you to come to him humbled and not haughty. this is part of God's way of telling you you are just flesh and blood like anyone else . . . . . all we can do after all is throw ourselves on his mercy.
The psalmist says, 'God remembers that we are dust'.
By the way I think I've tried all of the above and none of them work!