Hi.

I just wanted to share that God blessed us (me and my online YF, 'A') these days.

Somehow on Saturday 'A' was irritated for some reason, I could not see the cause of it. We talked online as we do about 3-5 times a week, and he was misbehaving a lot, and telling me nasty things such as "What's up with you?? You're not my friend you know!!!", things like that.

I did not want to go deeper into what was bothering him. I only know I was online and said Hi to him and then he bursted that way. I tried not to get mad at him, just offered him some words of friendship after that.

After a while he seemed a bit more calm, he went back to joking and replying "lol" to all funny things I commented on. We did not speak at all about his previous disturbment.

Suddenly he asks me out of the open that he wants to give us two a "motto", like a catchy phrase or identifier we can use both embedded in our nicknames. I agree and give him a suggestion, he says "That's coool! I'm gonna put it in my nick!". So he does. So do I, although in a variant way so as not to get confused as to who is who! LOL. Pretty cool BM, right?

He has to go offline to have lunch, and me too. That was Saturday afternoon.

Sunday passes without much interesting going on. I don't get online. Inside I feel a bit of pain, I mean why would he get these ups and downs. I've noticed he does ocassionaly, although never it was, until now, to the extent of questioning our friendship in such a cold way. Then he was suddenly behaving as usual. The issue resolves in my mind, I nearly can't sleep. I decide to switch on some Christian music radio station. I feel comfort from the words and start to pray about this boy. I ask God that he somehow fixes what's going wrong with him. Maybe he's suffering another rejection from a girl his age, just like about a week or two before, when he told me he's tired of seeking their company. He's a bit timid in that are as I told you once.

Monday afternoon (yesterday), he gets online while I am online. He says HI in a happy manner (I know this because of his emoticons LOL). We chat as always. He asks me who do I feel. I tell you "I'm doing as good as I can, how about you buddy?". He sais "Well fine". I tell him "You seemed a bit not in yourself on Saturday..". He answers "Really? Why do you say that?". I prefer not to go deeper, again. I KNOW he loves me, even if this is an online relationship, we've never done or talked anything bad. I know he must be under some stress. School? Girlfriend chasing issues? Or just forcing the borders to see to what extent do *I* love him?

I don't know. And I don't want to know. I just love him the way he is, with his ups and downs. And I hope to be there to comfort him in all the ways I can. I know our friendship is founded, some ways, on God. Because God has given me this chance of impacting his life, and of being along him while he is feeling bad, or while he grows up and learns the way this world treats people no matter how you behave.

He's my special close friend, and he's my special treasure from God. I know that. Things that develop inside such an envelope full of love and compassion and mutual communication cannot be anything other than God's work.

I remember posts here, some long ago, of Spaceman Shiff or whatever his spelling is, and also of Mason. There have been posts here about BLs going in online relationships with their YFs. Stories also of their YFs eventually losing respect, or losing contact. Like when Spaceman said his former YF didn't speak to him anymore via the MSN. He felt such anger inside, but LOVE at the same time, for that boy now teenage. Same for Mason, he has his ups and downs with his YF, and everytime we read his memories and "diary" we learn that being a BL is a life full of ups and downs, BMs and not-so-BMs, fear and happiness, depression and passion, sadness and glorious events.

We need each other to overcome this life, to enjoy the graces God puts upon us, and to bless daily the delicate lives of the boys we love and care for. These events, and this sense of non-sense about how 'A' behaves lately, has done the effect on me, that I know care much more about him, that we seem to symphatize much more mutually, and that I should stay this way, being near him to help him, and not behaving like some stalker lol.. but being there for him, and letting him know by my actions and reactions that it's ok to feel strange and mad at the world sometimes.

Please comment if you had any experiences and up-downs such as this. It seems these occur more probably when your YF is approaching *real* teenage puberty. We all know because we're all been pre-teens and then teens! lol I guess... But it would be nice to read some more accounts about such experiences and how did you deal with your YF growing up, AND growing mad at you sometimes for no specific reason. How did you endure such times?

God bless you all,
trusty