Beginning a Dialog
Between Christian Boylovers and Non-boylovers
A Statement from the Christian Consultation on Boylove 1999
1. The gospel is meant for all people. When church and society deny that God can be with boylovers, they are promoting a belief that comes from darkness, not light. The result is that boylovers abandon Christianity or become hostile to it, and their potential gifts to the church are never realized.
2. Silence is counterproductive. When boylovers must remain secretive, they have no opportunity to discuss how to live responsible lives. All people, regardless of their sexuality, need guidelines and accountability for managing their sexuality and developing life-giving relationships. Honesty is a prerequisite to achieving such accountability.
1. Dialog begins from recognizing commonalities between Christian boylovers and non-boylovers. As Christians, we are all lovers of God and have faith in the redemptive and sacrificial act of Jesus on the cross. Both boylovers and non-boylovers wish to express God's love in all human relationships.
2. We need to recognize fears on both sides as well as the power of love to overcome those fears. Boylovers fear rejection and condemnation, while non-boylovers fear they will be expected to condone harmful behavior. Both need to love the other as Jesus commands. 1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear," and 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Love involves mutual trust and mutual acceptance of responsibility. Boylovers need to trust pastors and others they tell about their sexuality, and members of the church need to trust that boylovers will behave responsibly. Boylovers must accept the responsibility of expressing their feelings in ways that are beneficial to others, and non-boylovers must accept their responsibility to be in fellowship with people who are different from themselves. Grace is needed on the part of both sides. Non-boylovers need to be willing to listen, learn, and set aside preconceptions. Boylovers need to be patient with them as they attempt to do so.
3. Dialog begins best at the personal level. It is less threatening when boylovers and non-boylovers get to know each other as people. Face-to-face interaction promotes trust and acceptance. One approach that has met with success is to establish a support and accountability group that will walk alongside the boylover. Non-boylovers in such a group have found the experience to be spiritually enriching, and have learned more about their own sexuality.
The above statement resulted from a meeting of Christians from across North America - six boylovers and four non-boylovers (a journalist, a pastor, and two Christian service workers) - on June 11, 1999, in Montreal, Quebec. The term "boylover" refers to men who are sexually and emotionally attracted to boys.